Oh my but I itch. My chest is freaking on fire with the itching. I can't even really scratch because, and this is weird, I can't feel it. The itch I can feel, but the scratch part is not registering with me. Much like my back (shoulder blades) hurts, but if I touch it I can't feel the touch. I imagine it's a deep level feeling - the nerve endings and such. Freaky.
Eye appointments are kind of done. Older teenage child can still have her contact lens exam and a trial pair of lenses for roughly $60. I don't think that it's a bad deal at all. There are a few perks of being poor. I have 3 weeks to make up my mind, so no rush.
Hopefully I can get back to work soon. I'm still sore, but I think that work might actually help with that. Mentally I need it, too. Everybody needs something to look forward to doing. Seeing people and having conversation is nice, as well. I don't think I need to mention how nice it is to make money, as well. Thankfully I have a profession that I enjoy, so work hasn't become a drudgery. Hopefully it always stays that way. Especially since there are so many things that I'd like to learn and do!
I'm still sleeping a lot. I can't tell if it's because I'm healing, or if it's because I'm bored. My thought goes to both. There is also a bit of fear when I'm awake. I worry that I'm damaging the healing stuff. This is crazy, and I'm aware that it's crazy. Movement (within reason) makes the blood flow. The blood flow helps with the healing because circulation is essential. I know the logistics of the whole thing, but my brain often plays tricks on me. Time to beat back that demon.
It's not a secret that I suffer from depression. There are times that I do fairly well. Then there are times, like the last couple of months, where I'm in a serious funk. No, that actually takes away from what I'm actually going through. I'm in a bad depression. Yes, I have medication that I take daily. It helps, but my doctor and I both feel that I need to not be a zombie. Not even close to that. I need to work through stuff, but I cannot be swamped by it. Sadly, my last surgery put me over the swamped ledge. I'm struggling to the other side, no worries on that. It just blows hard.
I'm not trying to be a downer. Seriously, I'm not. I've been bothered by a rash of "remember that somebody always has it worse" posts on facebook. This has actually seemed to set me back. Never buy in with that sentiment. It negates your feelings, and how you feel is valid. I don't care how petty it feels to somebody else. You have every right to feel low, sad, down, upset about what is going on in your life. I find it hard to believe that only one person on this earth has the worst life ever. Whatever you are going through, that may be the worst thing ever - for you. Hell, it might not be. You are allowed to feel what you feel. I know that I don't believe I can tell those closest to me about anything I'm going through simply because I've heard this. Can't tell if they are trying to make me feel better, but it doesn't. Because of this, I tell nobody anything. I keep it to myself, because they've already told me that they don't want to hear it. Sad, really. Anyway, I'm telling you to go ahead and own those feelings. If you need to get it off of your chest, feel free to tell me about it. I don't mind. Really, I don't. Depression sucks, and nobody should feel alone in it.
I want to travel the world. I have two or three places that I really want to see. Have any of you traveled? Where did you go? Tell me about it!
Have a great evening.
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