You know that little voice in your head that tells you not to do stuff? The one that is almost always correct, but that we all tend to ignore? Well, I heard that voice today. I told myself that the tape that's left from my surgery is just hanging there. It would be totally okay to remove it. Even the doctor had said it was fine. Should have listened to the voice.
The tape came off just fine. Something like five pieces, but they didn't get stuck or anything. What was underneath was horrifying. It looks all messed up. This was supposed to make me look decent, not like Frankenstein's monster. Yet here I am. Yes, I cried. Yes, I'm fighting tears right now. It's awful.
Not only am I questioning removing the tape, but why the hell did I have this surgery? This side was done to make it look similar to the other side. Nope. Jacked up. Now I don't know what to do. I'm sure that the doctor will tell me to give it time. Maybe the tape had things pushed around in an odd way. This is so not what I wanted.
The next question is, why am I even this upset? Nobody is looking at it but me. It isn't like there is a significant other to be horrified. Though maybe if I had one, they could convince me that this would work out. Yes, I regret this. Hopefully that will change as everything heals more, but for now, I regret it. I know it's selfish, but I don't care. Life has sucked this year, and I was hoping for one thing to go right. This was not it.
Two of the girls had their eye exams today. They took forever. It was stupid slow. Oh well, two down, one to go. Older girl child wants to discuss contact lenses. I'm good with that. Need to find out if insurance covers it or not, but I think she's ready. I can't even believe that we are at this stage. They all need to stop growing up!
I'm so sorry, Sue. I don't have much advice and I'm sure you probably don't want advice anyway right now. I know when I had that plastic surgery on my nose when I had the skin cancer taken off, I was also horrified and regretted my decision. The flap was awful. It was puffy and distorted and right in the middle of my face! I questioned my choice because the dermatologist almost had me conviced I didn't need the flap and I didn't listen to her. Years later, all the swelling is gone and it's not so noticable but I still wish I could do it over. I prayed a decade of the Rosary for you and I will pray tomorrow at Adoration for you. Shoot me a message or call me if there's anything else I can do, ok? I love you!
ReplyDeleteI think we often think the end result will happen right away, and realistically, that isn't going to happen. I had what I thought it would be like in my head, and that isn't how it is right now. I need to give it time, and I know this. It's the waiting time that is hard.
ReplyDelete