Happy New Year

2020.  When I was young, and I mean really young, 2020 seemed like an eternity away.  It was a time that I never expected to reach, because "the future".  Here it is.  I find myself wondering what people 100 years from now will think of us.  Will it be with the same fascination that we see 1920?  I doubt it, but you really never can tell.

I slid into this new year pretty much like any other day.  I honestly just didn't care.  That sounds awful, but it is a sad truth.  2019 sucked, and I just didn't care about 2020.  To be honest, I still don't.  I know, bad attitude.  Don't care.

I'm in pain.  I'm can't pinpoint exactly when it started, but I can ballpark it around April or May of last year.  I know for sure by nid May.  My ribcage hurts.  I can't take a deep breath without pain.  Pulmonary function test says nothing is wrong with my lungs.  Didn't think there was, but always good to know.  The pulmonary guy gave me some exercises to do.  They made everything so very much worse.  I have been coughing since November - when I saw that guy.  The sad thing is, because if the pain, I can't really cough.  It's just this pathetic... I don't even know what.  Sneezing is out of the question.  The ladt time I actually sneezed I about threw up and passed out.  The pain is ungodly.

What kind if pain is it?  Well, shoulders, ribs, under my scapula.  Lower/mid back, hips, arms, neck.  Did I mention the under arm rash?  I can't sleep.  I've stopped doing thibgs I want to do.  It's too painful, and wears ne out. I'm wondering how much longer I can do what I have to do.  

Scale of 1-10?  No idea how to answer that.  If I were new to it, and woke up this morning with this pain, I would be totally unable to function.  As I've been living with it, who knows.  7?  8?  Maybe. It bothers ne all of the time.  I never know when it will crop up.  I take Ibuprofen, but it don't really do much.  Sometimes it helps a bit, sometimes not.  It can't be good for me, so I switch it up with Excedrin. It works about as well.  I wake up in pain, go to bed in pain.  I had some steroids for some funk last fall.  That was actually helpful for a lot of my lower back and hip pain.  Sadly, the prescription ended, and the pain returned.

I need my primary care to start taking me seriously on this.  It's insane how my quality of life - my desire to do anything, realky - has tanked.  I can't di this.

So this is my current reality.  Pain.  All of the time.  I had two weeks off to rest.  I hurt the same as before my break.  I was so hoping to feel better with rest.  Nope.  Sucks.

Hopefully you are doing better!  Happy New Year.