Good News, Same News

No iron this round!  Yay!  Seriously. I still have lumps in my veins from the last infusion.  I do have to keep going back every 3 months.  That's fine.  I'm hoping eventually my body will stop trying to kill me.  

I still hurt, but the level is down considerably.  The desire to jump up and down and get excited is there, but I'd probably hurt myself in the process.  Creating more pain would be a very bad idea.  So in my gead I'm celebrating.  On the outside I can't help but wonder how long it will last.

We are in for rain, wind, snow, cold temps, warm temps, junk weather.  Maybe.  They don't realky know, and that scares me just a little bit.  Don't weather people enjoy throwing out some sort of prediction?  What's up with keeping it close?  Or is it the Apocalypse?  And me without plans.  LoL. Hopefully whatever it does is short lived.  Heck, send half of it to Australia.  They need the rain. 

Anybody else still have their Christmas tree up?  We generally wait until January 6, and then the week got in the way.  Part of my issue is where to put it.  I really don't have any room for it.  The tree does need to come down, though.  It's pathetic, I'm aware 

I'm so tired, but I don't want to lie down.  I'd like to stay up all day.  That usually foesn't work out, but I would like to at least try.  As long as there is no falling asleep while driving, we're good, right?

Enjoy your Friday!  Don't float away, or blow away, or get iced over, or any other weirdness like that.  Stay safe, make some memories!

Huh

New day, new set of things to think on.  As I've discussed before, I deal with some rather nasty pain in the daily.  Today was no different.  Went to mass this morning, like I do every Thursday.  Prayed like a crazy person for healing/relief/anything that would get rid of, or at least limit, this horrid pain.  I mean, at about 10 months of this, I'm done.  I don't know how some people deal with it.

Anyway, I left mass and headed to work.  Ibuprofen was on the menu.  I know, I know, but if I don't work, I don't get paid.  I have kids.  Well, I took a lot of ibuprofen this morning.  More than is recommended, though not the amount they might give you in the hospital.  Anyway, eventually the pain started to go away.  Oddly (though I'm just trying to go with it because I'll cry if it changes) breathing doesn't hurt.  My back doesn't hurt.  My shoulder and hand don't hurt.  Ache, yes.  I get that.  I worked today.  I took that ibuprofen at 9:30 this morning.  It's 12:30 am right now.  Should be out if my system.  If the pain stays away I'll be beyond excited.

So let me ask you, was it prayer?  Maybe the ibuprofen triggered something?  Luck?  Did my pain run it's course?  Do I care at this point?  The answer to that last one is no.  I will thank God because I am a believer.  No matter what the reasoning, it was in His plan.  I just hope that it's gone for good.

Tomorrow (today, really.  It is after midnight) I go see my blood guy.  Not sure what may or may not be going on with my iron, but I'll know tomorrow.  I've been getting iron i fusions for over a year.  You'd think they'd try to figure out why my stores of iron keep tanking.  Nope.  They keep insisting that I'm bleeding from somewhere (I'm not.  I've been scoped from one end to the other). Thank goodness for the infusions.  Wish they actually made me feel better. 

I'm still very down about life right now.  I'm exhausted.  I've been in constant pain.  Nobody listens to me when I say something is wrong.  I'm just beyond worn out.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Happy New Year

2020.  When I was young, and I mean really young, 2020 seemed like an eternity away.  It was a time that I never expected to reach, because "the future".  Here it is.  I find myself wondering what people 100 years from now will think of us.  Will it be with the same fascination that we see 1920?  I doubt it, but you really never can tell.

I slid into this new year pretty much like any other day.  I honestly just didn't care.  That sounds awful, but it is a sad truth.  2019 sucked, and I just didn't care about 2020.  To be honest, I still don't.  I know, bad attitude.  Don't care.

I'm in pain.  I'm can't pinpoint exactly when it started, but I can ballpark it around April or May of last year.  I know for sure by nid May.  My ribcage hurts.  I can't take a deep breath without pain.  Pulmonary function test says nothing is wrong with my lungs.  Didn't think there was, but always good to know.  The pulmonary guy gave me some exercises to do.  They made everything so very much worse.  I have been coughing since November - when I saw that guy.  The sad thing is, because if the pain, I can't really cough.  It's just this pathetic... I don't even know what.  Sneezing is out of the question.  The ladt time I actually sneezed I about threw up and passed out.  The pain is ungodly.

What kind if pain is it?  Well, shoulders, ribs, under my scapula.  Lower/mid back, hips, arms, neck.  Did I mention the under arm rash?  I can't sleep.  I've stopped doing thibgs I want to do.  It's too painful, and wears ne out. I'm wondering how much longer I can do what I have to do.  

Scale of 1-10?  No idea how to answer that.  If I were new to it, and woke up this morning with this pain, I would be totally unable to function.  As I've been living with it, who knows.  7?  8?  Maybe. It bothers ne all of the time.  I never know when it will crop up.  I take Ibuprofen, but it don't really do much.  Sometimes it helps a bit, sometimes not.  It can't be good for me, so I switch it up with Excedrin. It works about as well.  I wake up in pain, go to bed in pain.  I had some steroids for some funk last fall.  That was actually helpful for a lot of my lower back and hip pain.  Sadly, the prescription ended, and the pain returned.

I need my primary care to start taking me seriously on this.  It's insane how my quality of life - my desire to do anything, realky - has tanked.  I can't di this.

So this is my current reality.  Pain.  All of the time.  I had two weeks off to rest.  I hurt the same as before my break.  I was so hoping to feel better with rest.  Nope.  Sucks.

Hopefully you are doing better!  Happy New Year.

I Just Don't Know

August is almost over.  I'm really not sure where it went.  It seemed like it was going along at a reasonable rate.  I was keeping track very nicely.  Next thing I knew it had vanished.  Seriously, life just kind of imploded on me.  Now it's almost September, and I have absolutely zero to show for it.  What the heck?

The technology experiment is still going well.  The kids had tablets and such for Saturday and part of Sunday.  The transformation was almost immediate.  I had to get on them about being short with one another.  The yelling started back up.  Yeah, I'm not a fan.  It would seem that they have zero patience for much of anything when they are on the internet or playing games.  After they got back from hanging with their dad (I had already taken the tablets away by then), they were much better. 

Honestly, if I could simply say no to the use of any of it at all, I would.  They do need the computer for some of their homework, and to research and whatnot.  I don't know.  The people living in my home are so much more fun and light hearted without the gadgets.  It's almost as if technology puts a weight on them that they don't have when not using it.  Example:  homework with technology in the room becomes soooooo much more drama filled.  Without it, there has been laughter involved.  I don't get it.  I'm going to continue with this experiment, but so far I am really enjoying the results.

It was gross today.  All rainy and humid.  Not horrible, but still gross.  I made soup.  Chicken noodle.  It was very chickeny.  Seriously, it was yum.  The kids enjoyed it.  Even the one that never seems to eat anything (I caught her eating cosmic brownie in the pantry, which irritated me a bit) at some of it.  Could be because I told her that she had to eat some of it.  I dunno.  It made me happy.  And the older one has enough to take for lunch tomorrow.  Always a bonus.  It isn't quite cool enough out to be thinking of those lovely stick to your ribs meals just yet.  Soon.  Yes, soon.

As the days start getting shorter, and the temps start to drop, what are some of your go to recipes for dinner?  I have an Instant Pot, so I can use that.  I also have a crock pot, but the IP seems to do the same thing.  I'm really not big on messing up my oven, so try to avoid splattery things in there.  Share those recipes!!

Experiment

My kids are like every other kid in the free world.  They have tablets, cell phones, computers.  They never seem to make true eye contact.  I get a lot of mumbled replies to questions, and I see a lot of the tops of their heads.  It's frustrating.

Last school year they would get lost while doing homework.  By lost, I mean that something that should take half an hour would take two or more hours to complete.  Turned out they were playing online.  Go figure.  This year I decided that would change.

School started this past Monday.  As my kids are all junior high and high school, they all have homework.  On Sunday they had to hand me all of the technology.  All of it.  The very helpful part was that neither school (junior high and high schools) allow cells use during school hours.  They have to be turned off and put away.  The junior high even added 3 new phones to the hallways in case kids needed to call home after school or practice.  They don't need the technology for math - they all are required to have actual calculators. 

This has probably been one of the best things I've ever done.  Well, so far, anyway.  The homework is actually getting finished.  I think the longest amount of time has been an hour, and that was because the high schooler didn't do her summer reading, so she had to finish a book.  All work is actually finished and turn in ready, which is a miracle all in itself.  They are required, by me, to keep a planner, and show me said planner on the daily.  I've had meaningful conversation with my kids.  There is joking, laughter, and kept bedtimes.  No looking at things until the wee hours.  It's amazing.

I will allow them to have some time Saturday to play on the technology if they want to catch up with friends or whatever.  My hope is that they won't be on it for long because it either doesn't hold their interest, or it hurts their eyes-head-neck.  I'm doubting that, but you never know.  The stuff will come back to me Sunday, and we will start over again.  I would really like for them to start interacting with their world in a positive way.  With luck, maybe they can spread that to their friends.  I grew up without this stuff, and enjoyed myself creatively outside of my inner bubble.  Maybe that's part of the issue with people these days.  I don't know, but it's worth the effort to try.

Did I mention that this has been one of the most seamless transitions back to school?  It's scary, really.

Have a great one!

Time Got Away

I'm a bad blogger.  I have every intention of posting on the regular.  What happens after I tell myself that is beyond me.  You'd think it would be an easy thing.  Especially since I enjoy talking to myself, which is what a blog is.  So here I am, trying again.  There will be no promises this time, but I will try.  Not that I think anybody is actually reading this, but you never can tell.  Put a comment if you are, though.  I'd love to hear from you!

Summer went by way fast.  As in I was just making plans to do something, and realized that school starts on Monday.  What the hell?  My teens were involved in summer theater, and that made the entire months of June and July slip by.  We also moved, so that messed with the timeline.  By the time I had a chance to catch my breath it was August!  I slept in for the first time this summer just two weeks ago.  That is NOT okay.  Now I have to get up at the ass crack because I have to drive my kids to school.  Oy.

I made the choice to seriously step out of my comfort zone.  Not that I don't get forced to do that all of the time, but this time I made the effort.  Two things changed. 

    One:  We lived in the ghetto.  Seriously.  I'm not even kidding when I say there were shootings in my neighborhood, often behind my home, at least three times a week.  We lived in constant high alert.  I started having panic attacks.  The problem is that it was familiar.  I hate moving, and at least this was an evil that I knew.  The panic was too much, and I found us an apartment in a safe area.  My only issue was that rent was much higher, and I was adding utility bills (those had been covered before).  I wasn't sure how this would pan out, but it did.  Even with my lower income and working for myself.  Add that I didn't work even half of last year because of health.  I still was approved and we left the Bluff.  I sleep pretty deep at night.  It's glorious.

    Two:  I want/need to bring in more income.  I need a place to do massage that is safe.  I could do it out of my home, but I don't want strangers around my kids.  Plus, it's my happy place.  I don't really want to mix work and home like that.  I could travel out to my clients homes.  A lot of therapists do this.  It's legit, but it's not that safe.  You have to be very picky about it.  I can't control the environment at someone else's place.  Pets, setup space, etc.  I'm not fond of the idea. 

             Well, a friend of mine told me about a space in the mall that rents out desks, conference rooms, and the like.  I finally went in and talked to the lady that owns it.  She's got perfect places for me to rent for a good price.  I'm really excited about this.  This could be a total game changer for me.  My first goal is to not need any of my child support to live.  Eventually that will go away, and I don't want to need it.  Second, I'd like to be able to save money for fun things.  To do either of these goals, I need more income.  This step should totally get me to that place.  Yay for goals, and yay for pushing myself to actually do it.  I'm actually pretty excited about this part of my future.

That's the latest scoop on me.  School starts for the kids on Monday, and I am unprepared.  We have everything but shoes for the 13 year old.  To be fair, she kept saying she had shoes.  She can't find them.  We need lunch stuff for the 15 year old since her school doesn't have meals.  Uniforms are bought, school supplies are bought.  We actually are ready.  I don't want to get up at 6:30!  Nooooooo.  Eh, I'll live.

Your turn to tell me what's up in your world!

What The Heck

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my mastectomy.  Last year I was hopped up on pain meds, thankful that my tumor wasn't an aggressive cancer.  So what did I do to celebrate?  I had two teeth removed.  Once again I was hopped up on pain meds.   I really know how to party, let me tell you.

It's amazing how much damage my health issues, stacked with stress, have caused to my mouth.  GERD/reflux destroyed my back teeth.  Sadly, I've had some crappy dentists, so they always took a "wait and see" approach.  That doesn't exactly work with teeth.  There is no healing going to happen where cavities are concerned.  I imagine there is no money in fixing things early on.  So now I again try to fix it.  It's great that they can actually save a lot of my teeth.  I thought I would lose a lot more than two.  Next week starts extensive fillings.  Again, good times.  Hopefully I'll be able to eat one day. 

The 15 and 13 year olds are going to be in a summer production of The Music Man.  They are very excited about it.  Especially since it's also an acting workshop.  They'll learn how to do auditions in a better way.  With luck it will help them to get actual parts in future productions.  If nothing else, they get to hang with some friends.

What are your summer plans?  I need ideas of things to do with the kids.  Preferably nothing too expensive.  Give me some ideas!

Have a great Thursday!