Sheesh

Never let the Universe know you are in a hurry.  Seriously.  Don't do it.  Ever.  Know how I know?  Let's see, I was running 10 minutes late for work.  The phone rang.  It was CancerCare wanting to set up my 6 month blood work and doctor visit.  In JULY.  Okay.  Made that appointment (and darn, I'll have to take a day off of work because I added it to a day with other appointments) and take off out the door.  Traffic was decent, so at least there was that. I get to work and realize that I forgot my badge.  Through security I go.  Waiting in there is a charter bus full of people taking a tour of the facility.  I have to wait until they get situated.  The weird part is I still was set up and ready to go on time.  Thankfully I didn't freak, but wow.

A very dear friend of mine passed away last year.  Her house is now on the market.  Two points: 1) it's in a decent neighborhood, 2) it's tiny as hell.  My issues with it being small are short lived.  Eventually my kids will move out.  It would be perfect for me at that point.  I want to go look inside.  It has attic storage, but you never know, maybe it can be made into a bedroom.  There is also basement space.  I should just make the appointment.  What would you do? 

Happy Spring (Finally)

It has been amazingly beautiful outside. I don't say that often, as it generally to weathery outside for me.  I would love to sit and enjoy a good day, but I either get too hot or too cold.  Then there are the bugs.  Don't even get me started in what happens to me if I get in the sun.  But lately it's been enjoyable out. I wish it could stay like this.  Living in the midwest means it's going to eventually go sideways, which makes me sad.  Oh well.

I'm taking applications for a significant other.  Yeah, I'm only sort of joking about that.  I've been single almost my whole life.  Yes, I was married for 8 years, but it turns out that he was only pretending, so not really.  Anyway, I deserve to be happily coupled up.  I am ready and willing!  Send me your resume.  Or, you know, talk to me.  Whatever happened to that?  Maybe I'm just old. 

My body is not so politely telling me that I am spreading myself too thin.  My priorities have been everybody else, and I'm starting to pay for it.  So. Very. Tired.  If I could just get it through the heads of those around me that I'm not the whipping boy...  Even I couldn't get through that one.  Seriously, I'm considering running away to a secluded locale.  Just me and my bed, coffee, pajamas, and some crafts.  Wow, now I need a vacation.

Speaking of vacations, I need ideas.  The girls and I need stuff to do this summer.  I would like it to be fun but not really expensive.  That's mostly so we can do more than one thing, though I'm not against a big trip.  What have done that isn't an amusement park or water park?  I don't do roller coasters or things that put me in direct sunlight (I am so not kidding when I say it hurts me physically - instant sunburn is not my thing).  I'm thinking about a short Amtrak tour.  The train is always interesting.  Ideas, people!  I need ideas!

Well, I should get to work.  People aren't going to massage themselves.  Well, maybe, but I won't get paid for it.  Have a good one!

So Much Frustration

My oldest teen turned 15 yesterday.  That's one hell of a ball of angst, let me tell you.  She has so much attitude that I'm almost certain that the astronauts on the space station can see it. It's very difficult to live with.

Said 15 year old has decided that homework sucks.  Not so unusual.  She is, therefore, not going to do it.  I know, that isn't really all that unusual, either.  Since like November.  I had to sit in a two hour school meeting over this.  Not a happy mom at all.  So this term paper rough draft is due tomorrow.  She had to do a bibliography that took her several hours.  She also has to have five quotes in there.  After something like six hours, she has 1.  I told her to come back to the quotes, start the paper.  It's been 3 1/2 hours and she has something like two paragraphs.  Out of an 8 page paper.  I just don't get it.  There are no learning issues to deal with, so that isn't it.  The teen just simply doesn't want to do it.  I hate to inform her highness, but it has yo be done by tomorrow.  She blew it off, so that's on her.  Why am I so stressed about it?

I have taken on way too much crap.  There are so many people in my life that are taking advantage of me. It just isn't doable anymore.  Seriously, it's taking a toll on my mental and physical health.  I'm having panic attacks worrying about who will want me to do something more for them.  These grown ass adults need to learn how to take care of themselves.  Seriously, grow up.  I cannot keep wearing myself out for people who aren't even somewhat grateful.  It's ridiculous.

On the upside, what a freaking beautiful day!  Seriously, warm and breezy, no rain, no weirdness.  Just lovely.  Sadly, I think the rain rolls in tomorrow.  Maybe not.  We shall see.  It would have been nice to enjoy it more, but there's this term paper... Yeah, good times.

So what have you been doing this weekend?  Tell me all of the wonderful things!

April Fools

I have been working on being more positive.  I had noticed that I was really crabby.  Always.  Everything ticks me off.  Feeling like I'm about to explode all of the time just isn't something that I actually enjoy.  Hence the trying to be more positive.

You know, when you struggle with depression, being positive can really suck.  I often feel like I'm faking my way through life.  Don't get me wrong, on my good days it makes a huge difference in my attitude.  I even feel lighter because I'm mire cheerful.  But on those days when I struggle just to get out of bed, being positive makes me a little stabby.  I don't want to say that it makes things worse, but it almost does.  Somewhat like it's one more thing that I have to get done, and on those days, it's just almost impossible.  Am I the only one?

I've been taking cbd oil for migraines.  The general bonus is that it helps with my depression and anxiety.  Most of the time.  I'm having break through issues.  Those suck.  It's doubts creeping in, and worthless feelings.  Nobody else seems to understand, and they just tell me to pretend I'm happy.  Not actually helpful.  I am a bit afraid because I'm getting very good at hiding how I actually feel.  One day I'm going to explode.  That won't be good for anybody.  I know this will pass, but sheesh.  Why does it even have to visit? 

It has been 12 years to the day since my mom passed away.  I still don't miss her.  She didn't like me much, and in turn I didn't much like her.  I was pregnant when she died, so I had all of the appropriate emotions (because hormones).  Since then - nothing.  My life has actually been far less stressful.  I can't tell this to anybody.  They never really got to experience the woman who called DCFS and said I was practicing Satanic rituals on my kids.  (The guy was great.  He had to come out because she called, but all he really did was sit in my living room drinking coffee and talking about how old my cat was). She called me and told me that I had to get a divorce because it was what she wanted (I was 32).  She was just horrid to me, and when she passed, I no longer had to worry about what she would do to me next.  To be fair, after I moved out of state we got along MUCH better, but it was too little to late.  I'll make sure Dad is okay, and I'll show sympathy to my family, but I can't mourn her being gone. 

On the bright side, it's beautiful outside.  Hopefully we are done with the cold weather.  It actually feels like spring, and that makes me happy.

Have a good one!

Crazy

This winter kicked my ass.  Seriously, it was so cold and gross.  Yeah, I realize that it waited until winter was almost over to even tet, but still.  So cold.  Negative 50 (wind chills) shouldn't even be a thing.  Spring hasn't felt that much better.  Yes, it's gotten warmer, but there is still an arctic chill in that constant breeze.  I really need to find a more temperate climate.  Then it would be something else, like the sand in my undies.  I can't win!

Last month I finally joined everybody in buying an Instant Pot.  I've only used it three times, but wow.  If you use the right liquid, it totally pulls that up into your meat and veg.  So tasty.  My dad, in his more mature years, is having chewing issues.  This allows me to get a more tender meat (from not the best choices) for him.  He can actually eat it, but it isn't over cooked much for the rest of us.  I need to try something chicken.  I want to do breasts, but I'm actually leaning more to the pot pie side.  Dad likes dumplings, but wet bread is so nit my thing.  Do any of you have an amazing recipe you'd be willing to share?  Is it me, or is anybody else a little sad that it actually doesn't save that much time?  In the end, yes.  I made a roast that took 2 hours instead of 6 to 8 in the crock pot, but I was led to believe everything was half an hour or less.  Maybe I make complicated things?  I don't think so.

The 14 year old turns 15 in like a week.  She has learners permit on the brain.  We did have a talk about how she would get nothing if she can't get her grades up.  What is with kids just giving up at about 8th grade?  I know it isn't just mine.  The frustration on my part is real, let me tell you.  Oh, did I mention that her school doesn't offer drivers ed?  I'm gonna have to pay for her to take classroom.  Not really looking forward to that.  Good times.  She needs to get those grades up for her car insurance.  (Yup, this literaly just came to mind) I am not all about high rates.  Damn kids!

Huh

Have you ever blinked and several months went POOF?  Yeah, that happened to me.  I swear it was something like November just last week.  While I'm happy to be done with the winter of discontent, I'm a little bummed that it all sped by so quickly.  I'm not thrilled with the thought that I'm losing time like crazy.  When I was (much) younger it all seemed to drag.  I never believed anybody that said that when I got older, it would get speedy.  Believe it.  Seriously, they are not kidding.  Not even a little bit.  So weird.  It just makes me feel like I'm not quite living my life.  Like I'm missing chunks of it, and I don't enjoy that at all.

I also think I'm writing a blog that nobody will see.  Are you all out there?  Let me know!  I know that I have vanished in the past.  Sorry about that.  I'm feeling this need to get back to my writing.  Even if it is my weird ramblings.  I know that watching a train wreck is almost irresistible.  Well, hold on to your hats!  I'm a living train wreck.  Okay, that isn't quite true, but I do tend to see some weird and unusual stuff.  Let's discuss that. 

All this to say that I'm back to the blog.  Writing is a wonderful thing, and I enjoy it.  Let's see if I can make this worth your while.

We are theatre people in my household.  That is to say, we enjoy being in plays.  I did it in grade and high school.  My adult years have not really panned out time wise for it.  I hope to change that soon.  My children, however, are all about being on the stage.  That being said, every year they participate in their school spring musical.  It's a huge deal, and really well done (think community theatre only done by grade school kids).  We just finished with this years production, and I'm tapped.  Seriously, It wipes me out, and yet I go back for more.  There are daily practices for the kids, but I do makeup for this motley crew.  So much fun is had, though.  Do any of you do anything like that?  What are the current plays that everybody seems to be doing?  I'm trying to guess what they might do next year (Frozen has already been vetoed).  I have no clue what everybody else is even doing, though.  Can't wait to see!

Fish fry tomorrow!  Our church does it up really well.  They have more than just fish, too.  I always get the fried butterfly shrimp.  So good.  The kids like the cheese pizza.  My 14 year old liked to get frog legs, but they haven't offered it a couple of years.  She's bummed.  Anyway, it's worth going, even if it is a giant pain to get through.  A multitude of hungry people in a small space.  They also rent out a bouncy castle for the littles.  Pandemonium!  Still a good time.

Let's see, what else.  I think that might be it for right now.  If you can imagine.  I'm still buying lottery tickets.  I WILL win that multi million dollar pot.  (No worries, I only buy at most two tickets).  Anybody else gonna get rich?

Well, I'd love to know that you are still reading.  Comment me a note!

Have a good one!

And Another Sunday

Happy November.  It's hard to believe that we are in November.  Where did October go?  Seriously, what the heck?  This year has just flown by.  I'm not going to complain an awful lot about it going quickly as this year has been a total bitch for me.  Moving forward is a good thing, but it can slow down a smidge.

I don't know if it's been because of the stuff going on this year, or stress, or what, but I'm not in a good place at all.  Depression has set in hard.  Yes, I'm on medication for this.  Yes, I take it like I should.  Maybe I need it to be adjusted, or maybe I don't actually need it anymore, but it doesn't seem to be working anymore.  I've been swamped for about a month now.  Every time it feels like I've gotten over the hump, it all comes back again.  With luck I get past this soon, but I have to prepare myself for the fact that I may be in this place for a bit.  Ear seeds have helped, and that's nice.

Speaking of ear seeds, those things are amazing.  I really like that I can place these things on my external ear, and get relief from so many issues.  My knowledge is still low, but I hope to take some continuing education on them, and become as proficient as possible.  Especially since so many people, including myself, are trying to get away from the overuse of medications.  Helping your body help itself couldn't be a better thing.  I want to be on the cutting edge of this.

I'm planning on a trip to Ireland.  That means that sooner or later, I'm going to need a passport.  The act of sending my original (and only copy) birth certificate through the mail freaks me out just a bit.  Have any of you gotten a passport?  Suggestions?  I was told to go ahead and get the card and the passport.  That way I have both, since it's cheaper that way.  What do you all think?  I'm actually excited about it, and have been thinking of all of the other places I want to go.  I need suggestions, people!  Help a gal with limited funds figure it out.

Okay, that's about all I have for right now.  Have a great night/day, and do something wonderful for yourself.